Here we are, through the first week of July already. This week I thought I would again share some material from emails that my 84 year old Mom sent to me. There are some great truths and words of wisdom to be found amongst the humour.
Lying around, pondering the problems of the world, I realized that, at my age, I do not ‘trouble myself’ as much anymore. If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal. A whale swims all day, only eats fish, and drinks water, but is still fat. A rabbit runs, and hops, and only lives 15 years, while a tortoise does not run, and does mostly nothing, yet it lives for 150 years. And they tell us to exercise? I do not think so. Now that I am older, here’s what I have discovered:
• I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
• My wild oats are mostly enjoyed with prunes and all-bran.
• If all is not lost, then where the heck is it?
• It was a whole lot easier to get older, than it was to get wiser.
• I wish the buck really did stop here; I sure could use a few of them.
• It is hard to make a comeback when you have not been anywhere.
• The world only beats a path to your door when you are in the bathroom.
• If God wanted me to touch my toes, he’d have put them on my knees.
• When I’m finally holding all the right cards, everyone wants to play chess.
• It is not hard to meet expenses . . . They are everywhere.
• The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
• You spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter – I go somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I’m “here after”.
• It is a lot better to be seen than viewed.
• Families are like fudge…mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
• Wrinkles do not hurt.
• Laughing is good exercise. It is like jogging on the inside.
• My wild oats are mostly enjoyed with prunes and all-bran.
• If all is not lost, then where the heck is it?
• It was a whole lot easier to get older, than it was to get wiser.
• I wish the buck really did stop here; I sure could use a few of them.
• It is hard to make a comeback when you have not been anywhere.
• The world only beats a path to your door when you are in the bathroom.
• If God wanted me to touch my toes, he’d have put them on my knees.
• When I’m finally holding all the right cards, everyone wants to play chess.
• It is not hard to meet expenses . . . They are everywhere.
• The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
• You spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter – I go somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I’m “here after”.
• It is a lot better to be seen than viewed.
• Families are like fudge…mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
• Wrinkles do not hurt.
• Laughing is good exercise. It is like jogging on the inside.
If we travel back in time a little we can recall some of the great truths that we learned as children:
• No matter how hard you try, you cannot baptize cats
• When your Mom is mad at your Dad, do not let her brush your hair.
• If your sister hits you, do not hit her back. They always catch the second person.
• Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
• You cannot trust dogs to watch your food.
• You cannot hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
• Do not wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
• When your Mom is mad at your Dad, do not let her brush your hair.
• If your sister hits you, do not hit her back. They always catch the second person.
• Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
• You cannot trust dogs to watch your food.
• You cannot hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
• Do not wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
And finally, because it is something that happens from the day we are born – some great truths about growing old:
• Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
• Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
• When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you are down there.
• You are getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
• It is frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
• Time may be a great healer, but it is a lousy beautician.
• Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.
• Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
• When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you are down there.
• You are getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
• It is frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
• Time may be a great healer, but it is a lousy beautician.
• Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.